15850 W. Bluemound Rd. Suite 304 • Brookfield, WI 53005

15850 W. Bluemound Rd. Suite 304 • Brookfield, WI 53005 • 262-788-5335

Online Dating During and After Divorce

When you know in your heart that your marriage is over, you may feel like you are divorced long before you file the legal paperwork. Maybe you and your ex still share a home but live in separate rooms and hardly speak. When you feel this kind of distance and know the relationship is on its way out, you may be considering dating again. You may also be newly divorced and looking for ways to meet new people. For someone transitioning from a marriage, internet dating may be a more comfortable way to try to meet someone new. Here are some considerations about online dating during and after divorce.

a woman tries online dating during and after divorce

Before the Divorce is Over

In most situations, dating in any way before your divorce is over is inadvisable. While internet dating may seem harmless, your interactions with other people online could be discovered and used in your divorce case.  Although Wisconsin is a “no-fault” divorce state, your dating activities can create hostilities between you and your ex that can complicate your divorce.

Additionally, you may not realize that you need time to process the end of your marriage before you are fully ready to move on to your next relationship. What you say in your online profile when you are still emotionally entrenched in your divorce may not be your best presentation, but it’s out there in the public eye.  By keeping your focus and energy in one place, you can be fully present while you attend to the task of ending your marriage.

Once you are done with the divorce it will be easier to move on with your life and incorporate dating.  You will also be less tempted to introduce your children to any new significant others, another problematic wrinkle in an already complicated emotional time.

After the Divorce is Final 

Once your divorce is final, you may feel you are ready to look into online dating. Self-assessment is important. Just because the papers are signed and the court dates are over, doesn’t mean you are ready to set up a dating profile. If you start seeing people too soon, you may have too many residual feelings about your divorce to connect with another person meaningfully. 

Deciding to date online also means making yourself vulnerable. This way of meeting people can involve messaging someone you are interested in and not getting a response, going on a date and not hearing back from the other person, or getting burned by online scams, which happen more frequently than you’d think.

Depending on your mental state after divorce, it may be hard not to take these experiences as an indication of your worth attractiveness, and potential for future happiness. You will want to attend to your emotional needs and make sure you feel you are ready before putting yourself out there.

When you can approach online dating with a balanced perspective, it can be a good way to meet potential romantic partners and learn about yourself and what you want in your next relationship.